Never Ever!

Dear Pastors

This month White Ribbon is busy getting it’s very important message out to all New Zealand men. My guess is that we all know what a serious issue domestic violence is in our fair country. Here are just four almost unbelievable facts:-

• New Zealand has the highest rate of reported violence towards women in the developed world.
• Police investigated 118,910 family violence incidents in 2016 or about one every five minute. Did you catch that…..1 every 5 minutes.
• One in three women will experience partner violence at some point in their lives.
• Less than 20 percent of abuse cases are reported.

This morning I signed The Pledge¹ and in doing so committed to take one of eight specific actions. I pledged to Action 4 which says ‘treat women as equals in everything I do’. As a Christian leader you might like to consider to sign The Pledge and choose a specific action. You might even consider calling all the men (including teenage boys) in your church to do the same.

Earlier this year² in preparing for a leaders breakfast briefing on this subject I wrote a few thoughts/ideas as how we as pastors and churches might respond to this issue. Here they are again:-

1. Acknowledge that domestic violence is happening inside the church, sadly.
2. Provide a guaranteed safe place for victims (and perpetrators for that matter) to come and talk about their experience (and problem). The confessional if you like.
3. All male pastors and church leaders should teach and model deep respect for women and children.
4. Teach that it is NEVER EVER ok to hit a woman or a child (or in any other way abuse her) and that if they are abused it is OK to leave the house immediately.
5. Pastors should assist women and children (and on rare occasions men) who are abused to find (and fund) safe places to live.
6. Teach everyone in the sound of your voice in age appropriate ways what the Bible has to say about good anger and bad anger especially in the youth, young adult and men’s ministries.
7. Support with money, resources and people, organisations working in this field. Eg. White Ribbon, Women’s Refuge, Open Home Foundation, Salvation Army etc.
8. Speak out with ONE voice.

Two weeks ago I heard Daphne Marsden speak on this subject. Outstanding! She has just published her book called, ‘Dishonoured and Unheard’³ that comes from her Masters Degree on Domestic Violence. This is such a well written and helpful little book as it, amongst other things deals with the difficult Bible verses that confuse many a Christian leader not to say anything about Christian folks in general.

And finally for now, here is a fabulous resource that White Ribbon have produced which you are free to use.

For the sake of violent-free homes,

Alan

¹Encouraging men to stand up and speak out and act to prevent violence towards women by taking The Pledge and committing to take one of eight specific actions.

²Back in August we convened a very successful breakfast briefing where Judge Garry Collin spoke on this subject and shared with us his experiences as Counsel for battered women and children (in his previous work as a Barrister) and now as a District Court Judge in Hamilton. We are planning a few more of these briefings next year in different cities. If you are interested in hosting this event please drop me a note.

³ http://www.baptistresearch.org.nz/

Alan Vink is currently the Executive Director for LeadershipWorx. Prior to this role he has been the Executive Director of Willow Creek Association NZ (WillowNZ), a Baptist pastor (23 years), Bible College teacher, and church consultant.