Sex and Sixty

Wednesday, October 9, 2019

Written by Alan Vink

Categories: Pastors Blog

Tags: Personal Life

Comments: 0

Dear Pastors

Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.
Rejoice in the wife of your youth.
She is a loving deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts satisfy you always.
May you always be captivated by her love.
Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman,
or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman?
Proverbs 5: 18-20(NLT)

Three weeks ago Jeanette and I celebrated our 40th Wedding Anniversary. After a weekend away with our 11 grandchildren and their parents we enjoyed the rest of the week on our own out of town. We had a few nights in the same Motel that we stayed in on our honeymoon all those years ago. Needless to say it brought back great memories that we re-lived if you know what I mean.

As we know sex is a gift from God for married couples. God designed us as male and female, instructed us to ‘leave and cleave’ and go forth and make babies and have some fun.

From early days both Jeanette and I were committed to work on our sexual relationship. It’s not that the work was that hard. It wasn’t but it did need time and intentionality. So we read a book or two, we talked a fair bit about it, we had frequent date nights we went away regularly just the two of us as in a romantic get-away. Now we are empty nesters and we have discovered that we still need to give it time and intentionality.

Truth be told I am not a natural romantic. In fact I am envious of the men who are. I wish I had that gene. But this I know if a marriage doesn’t experience frequent times of intimacy then it may not be long before husband and wife are simply co-habiting rather than living as a married couple.

Truth also be told that at 66 I can still be tempted even given a good sex life. It’s hard quite frankly, we live in an over-the-top sex soaked culture. So I purposed early on to be a Proverbs 5 man as quoted above. For me this meant essentially four things:

  • To rejoice in the wife of my youth and love her AND her body and hers alone.
  • I have tried really hard to not take Jeanette for granted.
  • I disciplined my mind. I took great care not to think promiscuous thoughts.
  • I considered very carefully the cost of sex outside marriage (including pornography) and concluded that was way to higher price to pay. I determined that with God’s help I would not stray not even an inch.

Our marriage has had it’s moments. Over the span of forty years there has been highs and lows, passive aggressive episodes and no speaks treatment but through it all we were careful to not let the devil rob, steal or destroy what God has graciously given us.

In closing I would like to say this. Our marriages are on display (a testimony if you wish) every Sunday of the year. Let’s do our best to make that the best testimony we possibly can.

And finally can I encourage you to teach on family life at least once a year and pray publicly (and privately) for the health and strength of all the marriages in your church. Family is God’s idea, it still is the corner stone of a decent society and He wants to bless it.

Next Week. Porn and Purity.



Alan Vink is currently the Executive Director for LeadershipWorx. Prior to this role he has been the Executive Director of Willow Creek Association NZ (WillowNZ), a Baptist pastor (23 years), Bible College teacher, and church consultant.

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