Friday, October 27, 2023
This blog is a follow up piece to my ‘All Marriages Need A Spark’ blog of the 6th October. Secondly, I am writing this primarily to my male colleagues.
You would have to be living under a very big rock and completely disconnected from society if you haven’t experienced any form of sexual temptation. It was only a few days ago that a post showed up on my Facebook feed attempting to lure me away. I moved on quickly. I remember many a time as a younger pastor when life was busy and my emotional tank was depleted and my wife and I had been like ‘ships in the night’ that I felt very at risk of my thoughts and my eyes wandering and then lingering for longer than they should have. Like every warm blooded male I have experienced my fair share of sexual temptation as a happily married man.
Howard Hendrix once said, “if a man is not tempted to lust then he's got another problem”. I agree. There are many common misunderstandings about temptation. The fact is that temptation is not sin. God is not disappointed and displeased with us when we are tempted. To be even strongly tempted does not mean we are guilty of actually committing sin. The most spiritually mature followers of Christ are tempted.
As a man I am easily turned on by what I see even at 70 years old, would you believe. That is how all men are biologically wired. This is how God made us. Though this is also true for women, generally speaking it is far less so. Those abs don’t count for much fella’s…….just saying. Since the sexual revolution of the 60’s even everyday advertisements for drinks (coke and coffee), cars, furniture and holidays have a sexual overtone. The sexual revolution influenced nigh on all forms of media, including literature, music, and film, which began to depict more liberal and open attitudes toward sex. This led to the emergence of a more sexually liberated culture that challenged traditional norms and values. Fast forward to today and we end up living in a sex soaked culture.
This is tough on every man who wants to stay faithful to his wife. But here’s the thing……….Solomon has some extremely good advice for all sexually active Christian men and he should know, right? Solomon says quite simply (and I paraphrase), ‘decide to look only at your own wife and enjoy her’. Here is the text from Proverbs 5:15-19 (NLT):-
Drink water from your own well—
share your love only with your wife.
Why spill the water of your springs in the streets,
having sex with just anyone?
You should reserve it for yourselves.
Never share it with strangers.
Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.
Rejoice in the wife of your youth.
She is a loving deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts satisfy you always.
May you always be captivated by her love.
This posture has helped me considerably. When I first clapped my eyes on Jeanette, 45 years ago, I liked what I saw. And before you reach the wrong conclusion I also loved her personality, temperament and demeanor and that’s just for starters. But physical attraction was definitely present………powerfully so. Throughout our married life I have chosen to recall that often. Over the years Jeanette and I have talked about this quite a bit. I’ve told her I desperately want to be a Proverbs 5 man and she has agreed to help me be that kind of husband. Needless to say we have some fun times.
Brothers. You know all to well that one slip in this area of your life can and usually does shipwreck not only your marriage but your ministry as well. Did I say earlier, “like every warm blooded male I have experienced my fair share of sexual temptation as a happily married man”. You too are that warm blooded male and you are married. Therefore, do you have a strategy already worked out to overcome sexual temptation? Have you thought through carefully how you will deal with that unexpected moment of weakness or distraction? And finally have you thought through how you can be a one women man in your thoughts, in your affections, in your talk, and in your actions? I so hope you have.